year later

I wanted to write a blog.

Then I took a long time to do it... so I wanted to explain all the stuff I did since the last blog.

Then I took a long time to do that... so I wanted to write about not writing.

Then I took even longer. So I wanted to to be a great big blog post about all the changes in my life.

Then I wanted to write about little things. Places I've gone to. Friends I've visited. Girls I've been spending time with. But I didn't do that either.

Every time we tell a story, It's a small thing. I watched basketball at the bar with friends. I met a cute girl from Sweden and she loved my jokes. We made out on a bus ride.

It's easy to write small things.

But not writing is another thing. Each story you don't get down, each moment you don't include, they put more pressure on the quality of the next one.

so you stop.

you eventually write nothing.

And not just in your blog. everywhere. I've spent hours staring at a few lines of garbage, waiting for it to turn into something i believe in. I wanted to write something big and great. Something better than whatever came out. But writing well is a lot living well... you can only take it one bit at at time. you can only do what you can do, look at it and smile.

Maybe, if you are lucky, edit it later on down the road.

Finally, a year later, thats what I intend to do.

I will still talk about poker, because that is a big part of my life. But it wont be everything.

It may be the least important thing.

It may just be something.

and hopefully, for whoever it is that reads this (and im still suprised to find that more people than I thought read this actually do), you will like it. And if you don't, hopefully I will.

today's update will be my last e-mail to my dad, because when I finished it I liked how it oddly summed up my plans for the next few months really well:

im sorry to hear that... when i was out there he wasn't doing well business-wise. vegas seems like a dying city. The guy out there that im talking to, who rented me the place, would never tell however. He builds these multi million dollar places and sets up celebrities and stuff. Im going to be living right next door to bj flores. google his name... its interesting.

Not yet in the tourney in monte carlo, just won a tourney to the tourney that gets me in. we will see if i win a seat tomorrow... would be cool. Each package is worth 13.5k euros. as far as work goes... havent done nearly enough this month. going to lock myself in a room for a week or so and get a ton of hands in. would still like to play 200k before may 1st.

Then bolivia hopefully. Meet up with friends and stuff. head down to Argentina... then vegas. thats the plan for now at least. Life seems ok. How are you doing?

love,

jesse